Be Advised: Are You Really Finding the Love of Your Life in College?

Dear Reader,

I wish I could be the person to tell you that love’s going to work out in college. That the boy who told you they wanted everything-but-the-label wouldn’t break your heart in the coming months, but chances are, he will. I wish I could be the person to tell you that the boy you met the first week of college probably wouldn’t be the love of your life, but chances are, you wouldn’t want to believe me. I wish I could tell you that the world doesn’t end if he doesn’t want to see you on a Friday night, but for a while, it may feel that way. I wish I could be the person to tell you that your drunken hook-up in Jackson basement is simply a rite of passage and most likely not the start of something beautiful. I wish I could tell you that someday you’ll find someone who will finally treat you right, but after all of that heartbreak, it’s going to be hard to believe me.

But I can’t. Even if I did, all of these terrible and confusing and humiliating things are still going to happen, and they still will hurt and leave you feeling ready to give up. It’s not something that can be explained. And while I’d love to protect you from the inevitable dents and holes that will scar your heart, it’s just something you have to experience yourself. Heartbreak is inevitable. And trust me, it’s going to suck. It’s going to hurt you. It’s going to feel like you can’t see him in Mather. It’s going to feel like everyone knows your all too ordinary indiscretions when you walk down the Long Walk. It’s going to feel like perhaps there’s no such thing as love or maybe you blew your one and only chance.

I’ve made my fair share of mistakes over my four years at college. And while living through the consequences of those mistakesfelt like my life was over, I sit here today and laugh about them. I wish someone had explained that to me sooner. I wish someone had told me everything would be okay. Come to think of it, someone probably did, but I’m sure that I didn’t believe them. Instead, I let my mistakes consume me. I thought they defined me. I thought everyone was looking at me, judging, deciding that I was a fool. There were days when I thought that I wouldn’t feel happiness again.

Let’s get down to the point. I hate to break it to you, but you have to make mistakes in college. There is no scenario where you won’t make a mistake. It’s going to hurt, but mistakes lead to growth. And isn’t that the point of these four years? To grow and learn? It doesn’t feel like it right now, sometimes, still, not even for me, but I can tell you that you will grow. The pain will end. 

You’ll walk outside and realize that the boy who didn’t want the label is unhappy in his own way. The boy who you thought was the love of your life is a stranger, but that makes you smile. And that is all okay because you weren’t growing together anyways. That him texting you late on Friday night wasn’t what you wanted in a relationship. That wasn’t love. Now you sit across from that boy in Jackson basement in your senior seminar, and he’s actually one of your closest friends. And that while you haven’t found “the one” yet, you have faith and know that the one is out there looking for you too.

Sincerely,

The Be Advised Team