A Eulogy to Trinity Frats Following Joe DiChristina’s Announcement
By Talia Cutler
Ladies and gentlemen of the student body - greek-affiliated, geeds, and of course, Emily Walker. We are gathered here today to mourn, to remember, and to pay respect to fraternity life at Trinity College. It seems just yesterday when I toured campus and was carefully steered away from red solo cups littering the grass. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was witnessing the aftermath of something truly special and transformative — something beautiful.
Frats have touched each and every one of us at Trinity — some of them may have even done so without your consent, but c'est la vie. They were a warm and welcoming presence on campus, an escape from the hardships and pressures of a liberal arts curriculum. What is left now is a ghost of what once was. Gone are the days of “Dude, what even happened last night?” and “Where did this bruise come from?” and the occasional “I had fun.”
Now, we are dulled down with nothing more than some half-baked clubs and a declining US News ranking. Soon, we will be no less insipid than ... heaven forbid... Williams!
We are all struggling with this loss. There is perhaps no one more deeply affected than Tony, whose financial struggle without fraternities will probably never be fully realized. But of course, my apologies also extend to the general student body of Trinity College — I am sorry that your vibe was harshed, your weekends dampened, and that your alcoholism is no longer school sanctioned. However, I think we can all agree that fraternity life shall be remembered in death as it was in life - dirty, loud, and fun. Where else can one find a room full of happy people? Certainly nowhere else at Trinity. Some may say that there was more warmth and community in those infamously long bathroom lines than anywhere else on campus. Thus, our northeast campus feels a little colder today. Remember as we go forward that grieving is futile. Instead, we should be celebrating a life well lived (between the hours of 12-2am).
And to conclude, a heartfelt fourteenth century poem by Nome L. Falso,
Hoc carmen latine est
nemo potest hoc legere
tu probabiliter exsultaverunt hoc usquam tu piger nebulones
